The best books about motherhood
Books to gift your mom, your friend, or yourself for Mother's Day + the books that helped me feel more prepared to have a baby (if that's possible)
This Sunday is Mother’s Day. And unless you subscribed to this newsletter yesterday (in which case, welcome!) you know by now that I’m pregnant. Lucky for everyone, this is the last time I’ll be going off on this topic because I am due this weekend—on literal Mother’s Day actually. But apparently only 5% of babies are born on their due date, so we won’t hold her to it. In any case, by the next newsletter I won’t be pregnant anymore. So it seemed like a fitting time to answer the question a number of people have asked me over the past nine months: what books did I read to “prepare” for the baby? That’s what I’m sharing today.
If I’m being honest, a lot of what I know at the moment about babies and how to take care of them comes from Instagram reels. That is sad to admit and probably half of the information is totally false, but unless you are Jia Tolentino (who went to extreme lengths to hide her pregnancy from her phone) when you’re pregnant your entire algorithm becomes about babies. Some of the reels are educational, some are aspirational, some are funny, and some are baby animals. Julian’s algorithm is similarly targeted “dad content” and after being fed more “swaddling hack” reels than you can count on two hands, he’s pretty confident he can swaddle a baby without ever having tried it.
Anyway, social media is mostly terrible but occasionally useful? Will Julian actually be able to swaddle? Only time will tell.
In terms of books. For me, Emily Oster’s Expecting Better was phenomenally informative and reassuring during the early months. Other than Oster, I’ve found myself drawn to memoirs and essays that approached motherhood candidly, relatably, and often with humor. There are so many great ones in this genre so I’ve included my four favorites. To round out the list are some novels on this theme that I’ve read over the past few years and have stuck with me.
Why not surprise a mom in your life with one of these as a gift? Since I’ve read them all, I’ll take flowers! Now here we go:
EDUCATIONAL
Expecting Better by Emily Oster
Cribsheet by Emily Oster
We’re an Oster household. I have her books, I watch her Instagram Q+As, I subscribe to her newsletter. For the uninitiated, this is the modern What to Expect When You’re Expecting (which I flipped through at a bookstore and decided it seemed too textbooky for me). Oster is an economist who uses data to determine best practices for pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. Expecting Better was the first thing I read when I found out I was pregnant and it made me feel at least 80% less overwhelmed—and relieved to discover that I could keep eating sushi during pregnancy (my doctor confirmed). I hesitate to call this the pregnancy bible, but honestly for me it kind of was. Her subsequent books: Cribsheet, The Family Firm, and The Unexpected all address what happens after the baby is born.
ESSAYS/MEMOIR
Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott
A classic of the motherhood memoir genre: Anne Lamott kept a journal throughout her son’s first year of life and the result is raw, self-deprecating, and comforting for anyone who feels like taking care of a newborn seems like a tall task. She writes about her intrusive thoughts in the middle of the night, insecurities about being a single mom, and the village of friends and family that kept her afloat. It’s wonderful.
I’ll Show Myself Out by Jessi Klein
God I love Jessi Klein. She’s a writer and comedian who voices “Jessi” on the Netflix animated show Big Mouth. Nothing will ever beat her first essay collection You’ll Grow Out of It (about dating, being a late bloomer, and the greatest proposal-that-wasn’t essay ever written) but this collection about motherhood approaches the subject with her signature candor and hilarity. I know I’ll be returning to these essays for commiseration and a laugh during the harder moments of early parenting.
And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready by Meaghan O’Connell
I read this book years before I was pregnant and I loved it even then. It’s a raw, funny, and most of all relatable—it feels like your friend is telling you about getting accidentally knocked up, deciding to have the baby, and then everything that followed while the two of you are out to drinks in a dim, loud bar and you keep saying, “OMG, no! Tell me more!” Nothing is off limits: her emergency C-section, postpartum sex, and struggling to retain her identity as a writer in motherhood. It’s a harrowing, glorious ride.
The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson
There’s not much more I can say about this incredible book than my love letter to it in the January newsletter. It’s poetic, radical, brilliant, and includes a description of childbirth that floored me. It’s one of my favorite books ever and should be required reading for everyone.
NOVELS
Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus
Can we talk judging a book by its cover for a second? I really hated this book’s cover because it seemed to represent a lame beach read marketed exclusively at woman. When actually it’s the rare feel-good novel with a strong female lead that is as clever and funny as it is well-plotted. It also features a truly great dog character and a mother-daughter relationship that I can only imagine is what it would’ve been like if Miss Honey was Matilda’s biological mother.
Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng
A page-turner about the secrets we keep and who deserves to be a mother. There’s an act of arson that drives the whodunit mystery of this novel, but it seems like everyone in this story is culpable for damage to each other, fire-related or not. I’ve read all three of Ng’s novels and, while they are all excellent, this is my favorite.
The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo
Simply one of my favorite books. A multigenerational novel about the four complicated adult daughters of a couple who are still madly in love after 40 years—inspirational (!) but, for their daughters, setting the relationship bar impossibly high. Each woman grapples with motherhood in different, sometimes messy ways. After reading this I immediately recommended it to my mom and aunties. (They loved it too.)
Dept. of Speculation by Jenny Offill
A quintessential tiny perfect book. 177 exquisite pages about marriage and parenting—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Each sentence is exquisite and poetic. Jenny Offill is a genius. Just read this book.
Room by Emma Donoghue
Despite the disturbing premise—a woman held captive in a shed tries to create a life of normalcy for her 5-year-old son (the book is told in his innocent voice) and plots their escape—this is one of the most moving depictions of resilience, trust, and the unique bond between a mother and child I’ve ever read. It’s riveting and powerful.
Motherhood by Sheila Heti
Truthfully this was not my favorite. In fact I found it pretty frustrating. It’s on this list because people always mention it when highlighting books about motherhood and I didn’t know what I was getting into when I read it, so at least you will. Classic Heti autofiction, the narrator (aka Heti) is grappling with whether she wants to be a mother and makes an argument that one cannot be both an artist and a mother at the same time. If you like Heti’s philosophical musings about how to live and some contrarian takes on motherhood, you’ll enjoy this.
Happy reading—and call your mom!
Love,
Ali